quite a day

I was having a lovely day—o.k., the weather wasn’t giving anything but still. I spent the morning with my son and niece and then the three of us had lunch with my sister-in-law. She is a delight and I regularly thank God for my brother’s wisdom and good taste in marrying her.
I got a later start after lunch than I intended which began the ‘rushed’ segment of the day. Not bad, not good, I just had certain time constraints that weren’t yielding. But I got to the happy place of spending time with some people who are really dear to me.
And we were having a good time, not all light and breezy, some things were more personal; but friends, food and good writing against the backdrop of our mutual love for God. Those things stayed but we got some bad news. One of the members of our group was ‘done wrong’ in the eyes of God, humanity and, in this case, the law. We all grappled to know how to best support her, and I can’t say if we helped or not, but we love her and we’re praying for her and that God will ‘deal with’ the other party (hear this in an ominous tone).
One of my friends was angry and disappointed with humanity and made some comments that I didn’t know how to react to but I’ll have to clarify later today. One of my friends was furious. Anger is a healthy response, the downside is that she doesn’t have a ‘working peace with anger’—and this phrase will sound more than bizarre to her.
Later, as I was unwinding and sorting through the day, my husband called down the stairs—our son had been sick, and had not made it to the bathroom. That’s one sick, shaky kid plus a puddle of fragrant vomit. But as we started cleaning, I discovered it wasn’t a tidy puddle, it had splattered, and my son’s floor is covered with stacks of pokemon cards he was sorting and books. Watching me try to clean and save his stuff (though the copy of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is actually mine), my son said, “This is tragic,” with a resigned slump to his already tired body.
It took us 25 minutes to get it cleaned up and him back in bed. We left him with a trash bag in a small can, just in case, and an hour later he made good use of it. I took that out but by then the combined smells were making me nauseous. I did lie in bed and wonder if this was just a bumpy day or spiritual warfare and I prayed accordingly—my sense of nausea lifted and my son made it through the night.
So, that’s how we started the summer. Not exactly auspicious but I’m surrounded by people I really love and that is priceless.

An Ecclesiastes mood

I’m in a season of transition, without a clear sense of how that will look or where it’s really going. I have a two to three year goal that I’m moving towards but I go through periods of uncertainty as to whether that goal is a good one for me or a piece of selfish indulgence, and perhaps I’m just avoiding what God wants in my life. And everything under the sun seems pointless, though I still feel that my heart could easily be pierced or drown.
So I annoy the people who love me with my moods, even as I wish not to—both wanting their comfort and wanting to not bother them with what I know is me being unreasonable. And again wrestling down the problem of perceived vanity and emotional involvement, because I suspect that none of it really matters anyway, but it still does to me. I know the way the passage is worded: everything under the sun is meaningless, is vanity. But beyond the sun… that is where my answer lies. And I know God, well enough, at least, so I assent to the fact that some things do matter. But when I get in this mood, I’m more operating by faith than by sight and it’s a kind of blurry faith.
I’ve been here before. When I was young, it was different, I’d go into the deep blue depression and then either bounce or dig out. Some of that was based on encouraging the moodiness, and I’ve learned a few tricks to cut it off, at least the extremes. Now, I default to this bland down of Ecclesiastes where the sparkle of life is elusive and I miss it, crave it. But I suspect it doesn’t matter how I feel about it, I try to push myself through the steps of what I need to do because so many things are a process.
I have no idea whether I’m wasting time or not but it seems a month, a season, a year burns by faster than I think it should. And being stuck when things feel pointless is worse than when I can see motion in my life. Maybe I’m just distracting myself but it keeps me from making messes in my life for the sake of the novelty. Experience shows that the mood will pass, or abate for a time, to let me see the sun long enough and well enough to remember God.

some answers to the problem of evil and suffering

My homegroup is looking at ‘what is your picture of God?’ and particularly as people look at the problem of evil and suffering. This week broke into debate and I was looking for the place of being understanding/ a bridge-builder, and also trying to be clear about my own views. Unfortunately, I don’t think I did either well (darn it). So now I have that desire to get it out there and tell you what I think. (I know, many of you are crinkling your foreheads and trying to decide if that’s a good thing.)
Most Christians are committed to the idea that God is all-powerful and is thus able to do as He wishes so for me the question comes down to “why does God *not* fix this?” And I’ve encountered a wide variety of answers that usually start in one of two ways: “God choose/appointed this suffering/evil for you because…” or “God did not choose this for you and the only reason He hasn’t stopped it/fixed it is…” So, I’m going to comment on the answers I’ve heard. Understand, all of these views come from a scripture (or several) and the people saying them usually love God dearly. While I will be direct in my opinion, I recognize that these are my brothers and sisters in Christ. Further, I think it’s important because I meet the people who wanted to love 
God, do, still in their hearts, but they’ve been battered by the church and some of these answers contributed to the problem.

So here are the answers I’ve encountered:
“God choose/appointed this suffering/evil for you because…
answer A) He then gets the glory when He redeems it/you.
This comes from both John 9 and Job. I think they’ve misunderstood these passages and ignored several other passages that speak of God’s love and motivation. The problem I have with this is that it characterizes God as only interested in Himself and willing to use and abuse us to glorify Himself. Further, this view makes it very easy for pastors/leaders to abuse and use their congregations. Also, it makes redemptive efforts seem contrary to God (why try to cure cancer, doesn’t that steal glory from God?)
answer B) He is trying to teach you a lesson/make you more dependant on Him.
This primarily comes from the experience that we do draw closer and see that we’re more dependent on Him when we deal with times of suffering but it makes God a rather confusing and harsh teacher if we believe that He causes/appoints suffering and evil for that reason. It also, strangely, puts the focus on us instead of on God. The person with this view is scrabbling around to figure out what is wrong with them/what they should learn; their eyes are on their suffering and what they could possibly change. It also makes things seem like that person’s fault, as though they wouldn’t have had problem X if they were better learners or better Christians. I’ve heard people I deeply respect espouse this view but I must disagree.
answer C) He has a plan and His ways are higher than our ways so we must simply trust that this is good.
While there are certainly mysteries about God and He doesn’t answer every question the second we ask it, this answer feels like an evasion. It seems to say, “I don’t know so don’t ask so many questions.” It also tends to give the impression that one should check their brain at the door and simply obey the pastors and leaders, which often leads to spiritual abuse.
answer D) He looked at all the possible futures and this version of reality had the most number of people saved and the least overall evil/suffering.
I hold a different view but I can see how this one makes sense. It assumes that God is all-knowing and loving and is trying to get the best possible outcome on a bigger playing field. It is centered in His love and it holds firmly to values that God does have—the wish for all to be saved and the end of evil and death. It can lead to deism or to fatalism but it is one of the better views.

“God did not choose this for you and the only reason He hasn’t stopped it/fixed it is…”
answer A) you lack faith
While there are passages that mention faith, this is a gross misinterpretation of them. It conveniently blames the person suffering and averts the need to help them or show any brotherly compassion. It also encourages a kind of magical thinking where the person feels that if they get the faith part just right then they’ll get whatever they want. Of course, it’s impossible for us to measure the faith of another.
answer B) this world is broken and we are reaping the sin and death of the Fall.
This has real validity and is a major reason that we experience suffering and evil. The only problem I have with this is that sometimes we can forget that we have a God who is bigger than our world
answer C) this world is in the grip of intense spiritual warfare and while the war has been won on the Cross, there are still battles to fight until the ultimate conclusion.
Again, this is valid and true and we see this in both scripture and experience. The only problem I see with this is that a few people get overzealous and forget that some things are natural—it may be warfare causing person J’s anxiety or it may be physiological or psychological or a blend.
My answer is to make a hybrid of answers B and C.
It doesn’t take the pain away, but it makes it easier to lean on God and to see that He’s not capricious or playing favorites, which is how some of the other answers strike me.

Obviously, I have skimmed and summarized a lot here. (This is an insanely long post and I want you to make it to the end at least the second time you notice it.) I hope I’ve not been too confusing. I didn’t bring up many scriptures directly to keep from getting too detailed. I always come back to “God is love.” For me that is the beginning and ending of all theology. Our worship begins with Him loving us, then we love Him and also each other. I expect to see this core truth in the answers to suffering as well.