Some random thoughts on moving forward

I was thinking about a writers group I attend and the minor matter that one person hates blogs while another has convinced a number of us to start blogs. I was thinking we should probably get the anti-blogger give us his reasons and then be done with it. As that conversation was going along in my mind, I went down a weird side road about their relative credibility to us since the person who likes blogs is a long-standing member of the group and a successful writer while the other person is a novice.


The weird side road looked like this:
While some of us are wallowing in whatever about trying to be successful writers, he’s already done it. It’s like a kitchen that he’s already gone into, made coffee, fixed his eggs, bacon, toast, taken them to the table, eaten, picked up the dishes and put them in a dishwasher, poured himself a second cup and is standing there with the mug patiently coaxing an angst-y clutch of us to come in, that he already got a coffee mug out for us.
And I keep freaking out because there’s a barrier there, and what if I... [insert idiotic blithering and emotional baggage here] and he keeps saying, “No, no, it’s a baby gate. You can easily step over it. Or do what I do, use the little latchy-thingy to open it. Either way, you can do this.”
I go back to whining and crying in self-doubt but I’m beginning to have a second conversation behind that one. What if he's right and it is a manageable simple thing? And, crap, I’d look foolish standing at a baby gate stymied. And how long do I plan to stand here looking foolish?
Hopefully, I’ll have the good sense to step over and he will hand me some coffee and say, “See, all better now.” And I’ll shrug off the stupidity, and it will be all better.

P.S. Reading this blog does qualify you for a passport stamp on kimworld, which I believe is in the Galaxy of Thar, or maybe it’s at the other side of the black hole in Thar’s center... hmmm.... I’ll have to check.

P.P.S If you have no idea what the last comment was about, don’t worry, you’re probably better off not knowing.

And I'm ranting...

I’m in a pissy mood about the whole healthcare reform thing. No, I’m really more upset that everyone is so busy trying to ‘help’ me (I’m one of those uninsured Americans) but none of its supporters is willing to listen to me. I wrote my representatives in the House and the Senate. The one representative’s office sent back a respectful letter that implied that whoever the staff member was had actually read it (a Republican) and the other (a Democrat) sent a letter that basically said, ‘I’m glad you’re interested in the healthcare issue, here is what I’m doing to pass the President’s bill’. This response would have made sense except I wrote to say that I am strongly opposed to mandated health insurance (if we can’t opt out then we have problems… if you want to know more, I’ll be happy to share), I’m opposed to increasing the debt by another TRILLION dollars and I sent a couple of suggestions on how to really help Americans with their healthcare costs (since I do have some experience). I am an Independent, I have voted both red and blue depending on the year and sometimes the for Libertarian Party—it just so happens that right now the Dems are on my last nerve with their persistent dismissal of anything but enthusiastic agreement. And unfortunately, most journalists lean left (they say they stay objective about the news but I have to disagree quite strongly—sometimes they run so blue during actual news reports I have to check the program because I swear it must be an op-ed show—then they bitch about actual op-ed shows whose hosts admit they to lean towards the right) which means that the news programming on CNN (and they are representative of the majority) about the unsettled Town Hall meetings either reports confusion about these ‘strange rabble rousers’ or insists that this is some plot by Rush Limbaugh, but none of these reports seriously consider that a decent percentage of Americans don’t want the legislation—which is their openly stated opinion. Let me say this another way, one president ago, when a few loud (and sometimes disruptive) protesters against the war in Iraq in a public address were discussed on the news, it was usually with the slant that the politicians were trying to ‘shut down free speech’ and ignore these representatives of ‘general public opinion.’ Now, when a large group of loud (and sometimes disruptive) protesters against this healthcare bill show up in a Town Hall meeting (which is typically where people are expected to present concerns and opinions), the slant is that this fringe group is trying to manipulate the system and that this obviously doesn’t represent the majority view. I’m a little annoyed with the news shows—it’s probably good we cut the cable, but I still read the on-line news reports…

Part of me wants to laugh it off. I am Gen X, we never had a chance at shouting down the Baby Boomers (and we weren’t all that into shouting anyway) so I’m used to the notion that I can lodge a protest but that no one really wants to hear it. But, ultimately I think this is a rant about one of my personal issues—that is I want to be seen, understood, valued, encouraged, etc. And I’m deeply bothered when I feel ignored, misunderstood, dismissed, judged, especially when I’m left holding the bag—which is how I interpret an expensive mandatory healthcare bill that leaves the country profoundly in debt.

So I will send/have sent the official letters, lodging my protest, and pray that what we get is better than what I fear. And thank you for letting me complain.

What’s up?

I think after that last blog, I wasn’t sure where to go. It is more a teaching than a sharing and I am more comfortable with teachings. When it’s a sharing, I have to figure out what to share. So, since I don’t know, I’ll give you the quick overview of the last two months—we had 1) the major period of discouragement and insecurity 2) planning and schedule madness 3) vacations 4) gearing up for back to school and back to living with a schedule

1) I went through a period of real discouragement. I would sometimes stop and think that this must be spiritual attack and pray and I would have a minor letup in the onslaught of feelings of worthlessness and despair. But any ‘good’ attack will go after a weak area so getting the enemy to clear off was helpful but I was already an emotional basket case at any point that I realized the source of the trouble. I have joked before that I have prosecuting attorneys in my head who are entirely ruthless and they are limited only by my ability to use logic, thus I sometimes pray for ‘angelic lawyers’. But a lot of prayer later, I’m back to a normal level of discouragement and insecurity (which will hopeful approach zero before I die)
2) Strangely, my schedule and that of those people whose lives intersect with mine became complex. I spent more time with my schedule book on the phone negotiating in that 10 day span than I had doing scheduling for the year up to this point.
3) Then we had the actual vacations and pseudo-vacations themselves. Part of the time, my son and I were staying at my mother’s house taking care of her dogs. She told us to rummage for any food we wanted—so we ate steak and I had a delicious bowl of spaghetti and something else that I really enjoyed at the time, that was the good side. The bad side is that I don’t usually sleep well when I’m away from home, and I didn’t sleep well at all. Later, we went to St. Louis. That was good, I hung out with my Dad and got to see where he and his wife had moved to. We went to this cool place called The City Museum—it was part playground and part obstacle course and we had a great time. I know that I’m not unfit, but I need to exercise a lot more than I have been.
4) We are now to the 'gearing up for the new school year' which is going to be at a different building this year. We have my son’s birthday coming up as well, which means a party with children and a visit from my mother-in-law (who I like though I don’t always know what to talk about with her). Plus, we are looking at the budget and trying to decide what expenses we can cut and what is really worth it for us.

So, there it is in a nutshell. I hope that the return to a more predictable schedule will make it easier to make progress on all of my writing tasks. And maybe I’ll blog more often… but no promises.