One of these kids is doing their own thing, I hope

I had some free time yesterday and I ended up at the computer while our new CD was playing, Celldweller.   We found it in a fashion that suits us: my husband spent a lot of time surfing on Amazon and I periodically wandered into the room and listened to the on-line samples of the stuff he’d already screened-- thanks, hon. “I’m not sure but I think this Klayton guy used to be known as Scott Albert,” he said, which put me in the way-back machine to some really good music in the early to mid ‘90s. I said something really profound like, “Hum, well, it sounds good either way.” And thus a CD comes into the collection (I definitely have the better end of this deal).

I got on the internet to track how the artist went from Brainchild and Circle of Dust to his current moniker and had the opportunity to read an interview about why he took Circle off a Christian label. I remember in the ‘90s, when my husband worked in a Christian book and music store, that we would discuss (rant about) the apparent desire on the part of both the music industry and the church to reward the most lyrically bland and musically talentless of the offerings and punish the rest. And it seems that when Klay felt punished enough, he took his talent and found people who were interested. I don’t blame him. Though I will say the good artists and even the ‘lets make an evangelistic tool’ groups did help expand the Christian playlist.  Thank you.

But really, this is not only about the past for me, nor is it academic. I love to write, especially science-fiction and fantasy. Lately, I’ve had this story in my mind, the kind that will make a lot of Christians cranky. Which only matters because I want to continue being part of that community.  The story has a redemption theme (I don’t try for it, I just believe that people can be brought back from the brink and get their life turned around). But people who need redemption have problems, and their path isn’t always a perfect straight line. Which means some Christians will question my 'right' to continue being acknowledged by the Christian community because of the questionable content.  

So here I am, writing something ‘controversial’ and ‘inappropriate’ without a clue in the world what I will do with it. I love writing the tale, it just flows. I was surprised the other day to realize it was 5 am-- I’d totally lost track of the time. I tell myself to just keep writing, and it nearly writes itself, so I continue. Yet, when I imagine the possibility of it being published, the word “pillory” comes to mind. Obviously, there is no guarantee that it would find a publisher anyway but I know someone will ask how it can be godly to even write such a work. I have many good reasons and biblically sound arguments but those miss the point, because the real reason is that I don’t think I can live at peace with myself and not write the story.

It is a novel, and those take a long time. Maybe long enough to tell myself what I would tell my child if he were in a similar situation. ‘It is humility and wisdom to listen to and consider the advice of others; and then to remember that you can not live out the convictions of your neighbor.’  Hopefully, when I finish, I will be clear on what I can live with.