Monday, April 27, 2009

I would tell you but then I’d have to kill you...

It’s quirky-- I’m usually reserved and yet when it comes to my own life, I struggle to keep secrets. Other people’s secrets aren’t a problem, I’ve been told I’m a good listener (and since I heard them say that, I’ve proven that they’re not totally wrong) so people tell me things that I respond to and store away in some strange corner of my mind. But when it comes to myself, I have to constantly hold my tongue to keep from saying anything-- even now I so want to tell you what’s been going on behind the scenes-- there was a minor health concern that we wanted to keep from my rather perceptive 8-year-old until or unless something needed to be said. (Everything came out clean, I’m in good health, but the whole situation put me in a really foul mood.)

But I have to laugh at myself. Generally, I’d rather hear about my friends than talk about me-- through a combination of shyness and the feeling that I spend a lot of time with my own stuff already. And I can hardly keep myself from sharing a personal secret. Further, since I’m in a foul mood about the whole thing (a free 12 pound weight gain is just one of the bonus features you’ll receive with shipment!) and I still can only sort of share my crappy/mad/sad mood. Again, ironic, because I normally pull in when I’m upset. I’m one of those people who chat and joke at funerals and then sob until I run out of snot at home. And when I’m furious, I have a good stage voice (I can be clearly heard) but there’s no shouting. (The people who’ve seen/experienced my fury don’t feel better because of the controlled volume).

So for those of my friends who complain that I don’t talk about myself enough, just convince me that we have to keep the information a secret, then I’ll be positively bursting to tell you, just make sure I don’t think I have to keep the secret from you.
KP

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sometimes you're feeling so much it just pours out of you. Hard to keep your secrets that way though. Be happy or angry or sad or all of the above at the same time. The point is we'll be here ready to listen.

K.L. Knight

Lefty Sloane said...

Ditto that... I think it was this very thing that drove me to writing...